With kind permission of my friend Eric Taimanglo, I'm reposting his article here.
Self Defense Case Study: Parking Lot Argument
by Eric Taimanglo
I was listening to the radio while driving one day and happened across a survey where the DJ was asking callers to share what made them angry. A woman answered and related how lack of manners were her pet peeve. She then went on to tell a story about an encounter with a local lout in a parking lot. Apparently, she was returning to her vehicle, with her children in tow. She opened the car door and accidentally made contact with the vehicle in the space next to her. According to the caller, there was no damage to the vehicle. The man came out and became verbally belligerent. She said she apologized, but the man continued to berate her, asking her how would she feel if someone banged her vehicle by careless opening of a car door. At this point she became defensive and said that it wouldn't be much of a problem, as she drove a (insert derogatory name for less than aesthetically pleasing vehicle). She wound the energy up further, scolding him for being so verbally abusive in front of her children. It all ended with no physical contact, save for the supposed "tap" on the man's car, and both parties went about the rest of their day.
Some might say that she was in the right. She apologized, but the man wouldn't accept it and kept going down his mouthy route. How dare this man launch verbal attacks on her in front of her children. Civilized people accept apologies, why couldn't this man do the same?
In my opinion, there are no such things as rights. If you find this hard to believe, please look up a place called Pyongyang, or better yet, Libya. We all have our own little worlds organized and packaged to fit our perceptions. We have to, otherwise we wouldn't get anything done. However, a lot of us have the tendency to clutch too tightly to our parceled ways, so much that we don't realize that there are other people, with other ways, some of which are very different from our own. To assume that the world will conform to our ways is, well, rather foolish.
This mother felt that because she apologized, the man should have acknowledged it and moved on. When it was rejected, she became defensive in nature and, in doing so, basically threw her apology out the back window, which is probably a good indicator that it wasn't sincere, perhaps even delivered in a similar fashion.
She also used her two children as a defense, perhaps hoping that their presence would shut this guy's mouth.
It didn't. Perhaps she continued to engage in cordial conversation because, hey, it's in a parking lot, lots of people around, maybe someone will help me.
What does this tell you about the man? About this woman?
My point is that this woman was blind to the possibility of the situation moving from verbal to physical. She was right, she apologized, and was determined to show just how right she was. The man didn't care about the presence of her children, about her apology, and oh, did I mention he got out of the car to confront her?
Come on, lady. You're standing in a parking lot, with your two children probably scared, while you debate with a less than scrupulous character, upset about a tap on his vehicle door.
What could she have done differently?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Eric Taimanglo has 20 years of martial arts experience, specializing in Southeast Asian systems. He has recently returned from overseas where he led one of two Dogbrother Martial Arts training groups, instructing US Military, State Department, and Private Security personnel in stick, knife, and...
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